


That Thing Inside

by stellarmeadow



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Choices, Episode Related, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-03
Updated: 2011-06-03
Packaged: 2017-10-20 01:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/207441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellarmeadow/pseuds/stellarmeadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You can't suppress everything forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Thing Inside

**Author's Note:**

> Originally a comment fic for zarah5's lyrics prompt post on LJ. The line was from Aimee Mann's "Save Me" - _(But can you save me?)/From the ranks of the freaks/Who suspect they could never love anyone._ Thanks to  chelseafrew for the quick read through and assurance. :)

He knows he's broken.

Not on the surface, and not in any way that matters to anyone else, but somewhere deep inside Danny knows there's something not quite right. Something different than it was ten years before, changed, altered from the living, breathing thing it was, slowly dying until it had become a cold, hard _thing_ that sits in his gut. It only makes itself known when he gets too close to reviving it. When he gets too close to feeling something move there, he retreats, and it stays cold.

He avoids it without even realizing it most of the time. Grace is an exception--he loves her wholly and without reserve--but what he feels for her lives in a different part of him, completely removed from that thing in his gut. He trusts her with his heart in a way he thinks he never will again with any other human being.

The...situation, for lack of a better word (or any word he feels comfortable applying without feeling like a scumbag) with Rachel is...there. It's comfortable, a way to reconnect with something beyond his job without threatening to wake anything unsettling inside him. And, if he's honest with himself, which he tries to be in every _other_ part of his life, sometimes it feels a little like justice. She cheated on him, she left him--if he gets to be the other party to that in reverse, isn't it a little bit justified? (No, it's not a part of him he likes or is particularly proud of, but he's human, and admitting it has to earn him a few points, right?)

It's not Rachel who feels threatening, though. As he sees Steve go over the edge of a cliff, Danny feels that thing in his gut wake up, greedy hands reaching out to wrap around his stomach and twist. He knows he moves, knows he calls out because he feels it in his throat, but he doesn't really know what happens in the few (eternal) seconds before he sees Steve hasn't fallen any further than the ledge.

He can feel that thing rumbling around inside him as he races for a spot with cell phone reception--and dammit, next time they go anywhere off a main highway on this godforsaken hellhole of an island they are taking a fucking sat phone. He feels weighed down by that thing inside him, heavier than lead, pinching at him, as he races back down to find Steve still on the ledge and still awake and breathing.

It's not until he sees Steve being lifted into the chopper, on his way to being checked out and not dying suddenly and leaving Danny behind permanently does that thing suddenly feel warm and alive, taking over his whole body with a heat and happiness he'd forgotten, like some sort of rare drug.

He can't help himself, he has to express it. Partly because he knows he can shrug it off with a joke later, especially since Steve won't think he's serious anyway. But the impromptu sign language settles that thing inside him for the moment, happy for now to have had its say, and as the chopper becomes a spec in the distance, Danny turns and carries that thing in his gut, even heavier when it's alive, but more comforting than scary now, back down the mountain.

\---

END

**Author's Note:**

> Want to learn more about me and my writing? Visit my page at <http://www.jamiemeadowswrites.com/>


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